Sean Rondeau
C Block
OMS Essay: add 12 wordds
The word obstacle comes from the Latin root obstaculum meaning to stand in front of or barrier. In life, we face many struggles. Obstacles are what make are goals harder to get towards. Whether your obstacle is an injury, a relationship, or time, they all affect us. In Ernest Hemingway’s classic, The Old Man and the Sea, the main character Santiago faces the biggest obstacles; no ordinary man could overcome what the Old Man had overcome. During his venture of bringing the marlin back to his Cuban homeland, the Old Man is battling against the size of the fish, being lonesome, and a group full of hungry Mako Sharks.
The marlin the Old Man had hooked was massive. “He is two feet longer than the skiff [18 feet and over a thousand pounds!]” (Hemingway 63). Santiago was facing the catch of a lifetime. Since the marlin was so large, the Old Man could not bring him in right away due to his strength. The process of catching the fish took three days, yet Santiago decided to stay with the hooked fish. The three-day journey created a toll on the Old Man’s body. This created a feeling like no other man has felt; he had to overcome this pain and made him fight for his life. The Old Man’s hand cramped up from trying to catch the fish. The Old Man decided to fight through the pain because he has a very strong heart and will. He will stop at nothing, even death. In addition, Santiago had to face hunger by staying with the marlin. He needed to catch fish along the way so he would have food to eat. He would not have the energy to catch the huge fish over a three-day span on an empty stomach. The Old Man may have exhausted himself to death. The size of the marlin was a challenge in itself, but along the way, it brought many other obstacles.
The experienced angler went on this journey by himself. As a result of flying solo, the Old Man played mind games on himself. He felt very lonely throughout the trip. “I wish I had the boy. To help me and to see this” (Hemingway 48). During the long trip, Santiago often referred to missing the boy. This obstacle caused a sense of depression in the Old Man. How would you feel being on a three-day trip by yourself without anything but the ocean? In addition to his loneliness, he had no one to help him. If Manolin had come along for the trip, the story would have been about fifty pages shorter because the Old Man would have faced problems such as being lonely, getting pain, and having no help.
The last thing standing in the way of Santiago and Cuba was the sharks. The sharks took all of the meat of the marlin. During the process, the Old Man decided to fight off numerous sharks for his own pride. He did this with a lack of weaponry. He had one harpoon that was taken. “He had taken my harpoon and all the rope, and now my fish bleeds and there will be others [sharks]” (Hemingway 103). Therefore, the Old Man had to beat the sharks with wooden clubs in the middle of the night. He tried to save his friend, the marlin, but was unsuccessful.
In life, it’s all about the journey we make and how we get there. Most people would think of an obstacle as a bad thing. I see an obstacle as an experience that makes a journey. Struggles are what make us stronger people and every obstacle defines us as a person and how we overcome them. After the journey, Santiago became a stronger person, gotten a stronger mind, and most importantly, had pride. “If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.”-Frank A. Clark
1. the essays thesis is that we all have struggles to overcome in life and they can be a wide variety of things. this is clear and it engages me because i want to know the stuggles that the old man has to overcome. its also very focused on the essay topic.
ReplyDelete2. the strongest quotation is this essay is when he tells the size of the fish. this is very clear and it explains how big the fish is and how hard it will be to catch.
3. one thing this essay does well is the organization of it all. he organizes it in a very clear way and makes it more interesting and easier to read.
4. the convention errors are the weakest part. there are a few that make this more confusing. fixing this would help a lot.
1.I think Sean's thesis is "During his venture of bringing the marlin back to his Cuban homeland, the Old Man is battling against the size of the fish, being lonesome, and a group full of hungry Mako Sharks." It did engage me because it gave very specific examples from the story and told me what the essay would be about.
ReplyDelete2.The best quote is “I wish I had the boy. To help me and to see this” (Hemingway 48). This quote is the strongest because it is well integrated into the paragraph and really represents the main ideas of that paragraph.
3.I think Sean's introduction was the strongest part of his essay. His opening sentence, "The word obstacle comes from the Latin root obstaculum meaning to stand in front of or barrier," was particularly effective because it gave the reader a general idea of what the essay is about, and it is also engaging and makes the reader want to read on.
4.I think Sean's word choice is the weakest aspect of his essay. He could probably use more descriptions that make the essay more interesting. Also, he needs to add the twelve words. Other than that, great essay Sean. (:
1. I think Seans thesis is that when trying to reach a goal there is always obstacles. It is clear and states it in one sentence. This does engage me because it says it in a way that is interesting. Also it gives examples.
ReplyDelete2.“I wish I had the boy. To help me and to see this” (Hemingway 48). This quote shows the what the old man needs to overcome his obstacle.
3.Organization is something Sean did extremely."During his venture of bringing the marlin back to his Cuban homeland, the Old Man is battling against the size of the fish, being lonesome, and a group full of hungry Mako Sharks." At the end of this quote it puts the main idea of each paragraph.
4.Sean could use more descriptive words. Also he needs to add the 12 words that are mandatory to have.
I. The essay's thesis it that Santiago faced three main obstacles when he was catching the marlin (the size of it, his loneliness, and the group of sharks that come). I think that his thesis is clear, and he introduces the topics that he will be talking about very well. It is nice and to the point.
ReplyDeleteII. I think that the second quotation is the best, because it shows the severity of the situation, so it really supported what Sean was showing. I think that he chose a really good quote, and did a good job in analyzing it, so it made it even better.
III. I think that Sean's introduction was really really good. I liked how he introduced his topic. I felt like it was really creative and engaging. It also introduced everything he was going to be talking about well.
IV. I think that some of his sentence fluency was a little off. He just needs to go back and fix a couple little mistakes and read it out loud and make sure it sounds okay. For example - "The marlin the Old Man had hooked was massive" I thought this was worded a little weird and he should say that before the, so make it less confusing.
I. i think that the thesis in this essay was that Santiago had many obstacles to overcome while at sea and the struggles he had. The thesis is very clear to me and it was fun to read! "During his venture of bringing the marlin back to his Cuban homeland, the Old Man is battling against the size of the fish, being lonesome, and a group full of hungry Mako Sharks."
ReplyDeleteII. “I wish I had the boy. To help me and to see this” i think this is the best quote because it shows how the old man misses the boy so much adn needs top get over that obstacle which is what the essay is about.
III. the best part about sean's essay was the examples he provided because they were very clear and made me agree with the subject he was trying to prove.
IV. I think that the one thing sean could do to make his essay a little better would be to add the words from the list to mzke it sound more interesting and stuff. thats all
I.The thesis is that we face obstacles in our life and it makes goals harder to get to. The thesis is clearly explained and stated in the first paragraph. He uses the origin of the word to engage the reader.
ReplyDeleteII. The first one is the strongest because it shows an obstacle that the old man has to face. It clearly shows that the size of the fish was a big obstacle to overcome.
III. The intro and the conclusion were very well written. They both referred back to each other. It is very organized so it makes the essay flow smoothly.
IV. I thought the essay was well written. There might be some changes to be done but it was a very good essay and voiced the thesis well.
1.) I really like how he opened it with the Latin word. That was really creative and fgot my attention! I think he could have added a little more instead of jumping right in with the Old Man and the Sea.
ReplyDelete2.) The best quote is..idk really all of them are good. Whatever he says he backs it up with a really good and simple quote. It’s always short and easy to understand.
3.) I thought the ending was well written. The first sentence to the conclusion is perfect and it sums up everything in the essay. Definitely my favorite part.
4.) Use some more descriptive words I think would be a good thing to add. Why were there so many people to comment on ur story?? Gosh!! Hahaha! Nice job, Sean!
The thesis statement is that there are many obsatcles that interfere with the things you try to do in life.
ReplyDeleteThe best quote
“He had taken my harpoon and all the rope, and now my fish bleeds and there will be others [sharks]” (Hemingway 103). This really shows some obstacles that he is facing that is why it is a good quote, The best quote in the essay.
One thing that the essay did well is the conclusion it was real fancy and raelly summed up the essay nice and good.
One thing that could be better in the essay is to add bigger and more fancy words that would help his essay to be better.
1. The thesis is that Santiago had to face three main conflicts in the story. This was very clear because they were stated right away.
ReplyDelete2. I think the second quote was the best because it was short and very clear to the topic. It was also really well integrated.
3. The conclusion was really good because it closed the whole essay up and really drew it back to the main idea.
4. The only thing you could work on is more descriptive wording. Otherwise it is really gret!!